Ok I am officially sick of the snow! I poked my camera out long enough to get a pic of where we measure how much snow we received, problem is half of it has blown away!Went out to check on the horses and was not happy, the daughter hasnt totally cleaned the stalls in at least 2 days grrrrrrr, so I had to dump the wheelbarrow and start cleaning, the wheelbarrow is so full that it is all but imposable to push it so I pull it through the snow grrrrrr, I try to tell her that they dont deserve this and it is a lot easier if you clean them every damn day!! "but Mom its been hard" ya I know it has been hard, thats why I have asked you every day if you need help, s i g h....... "no, everything is good" is what I have gotten the last few days. I start to get nervous when she doesnt want me to go out to the barn, for good reason I think.
The only thing I can do is get out there myself, try not to fall in the snow, with my disability it is really disorienting to walk out through the snow and blowing snow, and my balance is not the best, there is about 6+ inches across the yard with 1/4 inch of ice on top, the barn is over 100yards from the house, and its snowing again, at least its not freezing rain. This is the big fight we have even when the weather isnt bad, and it really makes me sad that she doesnt think they need better care. I dont know what to do 'cept like I said get my ass out there too, its difficult for me but if I want to keep my horses I have to be able to care for them, what am I going to do when she moves out? Take care of them myself, of course. I know I am ranting, but it just makes me so mad that she, as I see it is so lazy about taking care of the horses. Its all about the responsibility thing and earning the right to ride in equestrian team, its just not handed on a platter, she has to earn some of it.
The hubby doesnt help, his solution is to just get rid of the horses, that will solve everything. Not an option, unless I become so physically disabled that I cant take care of them, then it Will break my heart but I would find them new homes. Or maybe I could board one and not have to do all the manual labor stuff LOL. Its also about respecting the animals, they dont like to have to stand in their poop, anymore than we like to clean it up, it is a necessary evil, if you want horses.
Also she wants to ride someone elses horse this year for ET and I will not switch the horse until she proves she can take care of ours, to the standards I want. We were planning on taking Mickey up to there house to be out on pasture and bringing the gelding down here. Pretty soon I am just going to tell her no, and she will have to ride one of ours, period. All I want are the stalls cleaned daily, water, and food, and grooming when needed, which I have been checking, under blankets etc.
Oh teenagers, does anyone else have this kind of problem, and how have you dealt with it? Grounding, taking the cell phone away(is more of a pain for us while she is in school)taking things away, nothing works, so I nag and yell and get mad at her, The only thing left to do is tell her she is off of the team and no horses, but I really do want her to enjoy it and do it... like I said I dont know what to do. Sorry that is all of my rant, for now.......
Hang in there Mom!!
ReplyDeleteTake it easy on yourself too. You have come so far. She will get it I am sure.If she wants the perks she has to do the work. Sounds like you are instilling good values in your daughter.Good Luck and Merry Christmas.
OH my dear friend! I can sooo relate! My kids are the same way! They are so overworked! I swear they have to ne told evryday the same things to get done! I understand my stern friend.
ReplyDeleteRant all you need to- that is why we are here. One of our biggest gripes is about the way lots of kids have things handed to them, so it is great to see you doing your best to teach your daughter that things dont just appear because you want them to. I'd lay the law down too- either you do as you are asked the RIGHT WAY, or no ET. No switching horses. Period.
ReplyDeleteAfterall, if it is worth doing, it is worth doing RIGHT, the First Time. ;)
MERRY CHIRSTMAS TO YOU ALL!!
Thanks for stopping by my blog!
ReplyDeleteI am a cancer survivor and I have beent through some ugly medical stuff myself. Hang in there, It only gets better!
I had teenagers once! I'd rather chew glass..
ReplyDeleteAnyway- I'd make the punishment fit the crime. Don't use the cell, or the TV- but maybe something that would make her have to live in a little dirt?Or no riding hours for every wheelbarrow full of horsepucky you have to wheel yourself,something like that. I used to give my young daughters a choice of a spanking or not going to the barn... they always took the spanking -they hated being away from the barn!
Thanks everyone for the encouragement, I will stick to my guns.
ReplyDeleteJocelyn, I am sorry you had to go through cancer too, it used to be that I didnt know anyone that had cancer, boy as I get older.... but I had a clean scan so that is my reward!!!
vaquerogirl, the only thing that pisses her off right now is if we banish the boyfriend, that has been done too, and she dont like it LOL. I try to keep a sense of humor, in 4 months she will be 18, they grow so fast.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Vaquerogirl -- the punishment needs to fit. (It's called natural or logical consequences.) I would tell her you are going to pull her from the team if she doesn't earn her horse's keep. But honestly, as much as you want her to continue on the equestrian team, if she isn't willing to earn it maybe she doesn't want it as much as you do.
ReplyDeleteAnother idea -- does your daughter get an allowance, or does she work? If she gets an allowance, I'd dock it when she doesn't clean up as she's supposed to in the barn.
If she has a job, I would make her "lease" the horse, and give her a choice of either paying you an appropriate amount or working it off with cleaning stalls. If she doesn't clean the stalls to your standards (think of yourself as her "boss"), she owes you the money for the lease. Simple as that.
No matter what you decide to do, you need to be willing to follow through if things don't go the way you want. This may mean pulling her off the team, and quite probably doing the cleaning yourself for at least some length of time. Either she will learn responsibility and take over the cleaning again (and do it right this time), or -- and you need to prepare yourself for this -- she will decide that she's not interested enough in horses in order to do the work that goes along with them.
I think it's important to remember here that you can't control her but you CAN influence her -- IF she knows you will follow through on what you say you'll do. But you also have to accept it if she goes a different way that you would like. She is, as you said, nearly 18 -- definitely old enough to make her own decisions about the priorities in her life.
Thanks Kathy,
ReplyDeleteYa teenagers are a pain in the rear LOL and yes she is old enough to make some decisions herself, she just isnt doing that good with the follow through. Hmmm I kinda like the lease idea.I will have to think on that one.